I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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