I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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