i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
