no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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