Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
