i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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