wat bout pragnant strippers??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
