So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
