Got a toothbrush?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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