I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
