I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
