I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
