Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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