Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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