happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
