i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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