I didn't shave. On purpose
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
