So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
