you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
