Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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