Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
