is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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