I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
