: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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