why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It all started with a game of naked twister.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
