that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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