Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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