if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
