@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
