yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
