Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize