I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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