I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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