Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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