I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
