Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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