hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize