Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
