Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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