roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
