She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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