i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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