4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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