well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
