Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
