Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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