The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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