I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
