I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
