First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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