If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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