Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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