Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
