that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
