brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
