Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
