I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
