I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
