you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
