ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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