I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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