I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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