I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
