I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
