My friends, they love my intelligence
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
