he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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