First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
