no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
