Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your penis caused this!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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