Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
