Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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