Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
